Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:date:
 

.thought to consider. by ~amyfae:iconamyfae:



.

maybe something more than that
     something sacred
     something where I want to be.

something stained glass and glowing midafternoon
   that not-quite-springtime-I’m-still-waiting
improvising prayers aloud.

There’s something Biblical in all of this
   (remembering John 3:16 and bare backs
bearing mud-crosses, that purposeful
dishevelment.  I might have wanted
   that morning-after-look the night before.)
something mystical and miracle-seeking
     lost on long car-rides, out the window
     caught like hair.
  so much for
   any-next-this
          time
          
                 this pause.  a thought to consider.

With all its vicious history, at least this month’s weather has been nice.
My fear of death phone calls dwindles everyday; I fear more the leaving
        the silent summer aspect
        the perfect skin-mold teeth
  (a wound to be proud of)
and meanwhile all they can say:
        just bite harder.


.
©2004-2009 ~amyfae
:iconamyfae:

Author's Comments

The forth part of the poetry project for that horrible class. My three most recent submissions before this are the first three parts. Part five up and coming, sorry I'm so slow to post these.

The last four lines are iffy...I'm working on it. But at the moment, they will sit.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconvespera:
I can see why you're still iffy about the last four lines... well... last two really. I followed the majority of this, but the last two lines didn't click with what you meant...

--
Your musky lips, cramping smoke into halos,
love to finger obscenities and slander. I am a bitch now.
Don’t touch her now, this thing of waste. She’s
Empty. She’s full of spite.
:iconamyfae:
The last four lines are imagery that I generally try to stay away from, I suppose. I think I want to try to end it with "just bite harder" somehow, because that bit does have significance, but...well, we'll see. Thanks for reading.
:iconvespera:
Welcome =)

--
Your musky lips, cramping smoke into halos,
love to finger obscenities and slander. I am a bitch now.
Don’t touch her now, this thing of waste. She’s
Empty. She’s full of spite.
:iconecho-si:
I believe that there should not be a dash between springtime and I'm, because they're sort of two different sets of phrases. I'm also curious about the comma after "that morning-after look, the night before." Are you sure you want a comma there? I'm not. *thinks*

I'm also unsure about the words all by their lonesome in the middle of the poem. They seem very naked out there on their own.

I love the repetition of something, and all the bareness & mud. I'm a little wary of you saying John 3:16, but only because the crazy poets here at work are constantly quoting (and mis-quoting) verses and it's starting to drive me nuts.

Love you!

--
do your part. love your mother. :earth:

:peace:
:iconamyfae:
I'm pretty sure it's the "I'm still waiting for springtime" idea, and that's why they're all connected with dashes. At least, that's how I remember it *smile*. You might be right about that comma though.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but shall have eternal life." Given a little leniency for translations and such. It's a big one. It was painted on me along with the henna cross. *grin* My evening of blasphemy.

I agree about the lonely words. It's something I need to fix. I'm not going to make the November 1st our personal deadline - too much work with teaching this week and weeks to come. But I'm trying. When I get a chance, at least, I'm trying.

Details

October 3, 2004
1.7 KB

Statistics

5
1 [who?]
64 (0 today)
6 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map